Chronic Illness..

“Illness is the night-side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place.” Susan Sontag.

I like Susan Sontag's observation on illness. But there're many of us who hold almost a constant passport in the night-side of life. The many of us who have invisible aches and pains on a daily basis. Those of us who require frequent renewal as the pages of our night-side passports are full.

I was 20 when i realised something was not quite right. I had the occasional joint pain, especially after a night out, but i would put it to dancing in high heels.
All my life, till i was 27, i could fully agree with Ms. sontag's, as i fully had the good passport with only the occasional bad one.
Slightly over two years ago, in March of 2008, to be precise, things changed.
I now hold the bad passport most of the time..sometimes i forget what its like to hold the good one.

I now have to think about every thing I do and put lupus into context. I must decide what's more important in my "to-do list" as most days i cant make it to the bottom of the list.

But on the other side, I have learnt how to prioritise, how to ask for for help when i need it and how to pace myself (although the last two are still a work in progress). I guess one could say I hold my own additional 24hr passport that ensures i remain in a good place regardless of whichever passport has been handed to me..You could call it having a diplomatic passport.

Have a nice weekend everyone..